Should Parents Spank Their Children?
When a parent explains their use of corporal punishment, I rarely, if ever, hear: "Because it works!" More often than not, the rationale goes something like: "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out okay". Okay... maybe. But, even if true, this begs the question: "How different might you be had you not been spanked?"
It's probably safe to assume that you wouldn't be spanking your own children. Perhaps you would've learned, from your parents or other influential adults, how to effectively regulate emotions without resorting to violence... how to soothe and calm yourself when feeling frustrated, angry, lonely, bored or sad. You would not equate love with violence. You might have greater patience and more self-confidence. To discipline, after all, is not to punish but, rather, to teach. Children communicate through their behavior; when feeling stressed... overwhelmed by emotions beyond their windows of tolerance... they act out. They look to adults to comfort them and to teach them how to respond appropriately in the moment. It's not easy to be fully present with another's suffering... to listen & attempt to understand the behavior... to act, in love, on the other's behalf, rather than to react, in fear, out of one's own pain and insecurity. But it is the path to peace. You are your children's first and best teacher... what are they learning from you?
For more information on love-based parenting, I recommend the following sites:
Author’s Update | May 19, 2023
In 2018 the American Academy of Pediatrics, after reviewing nearly 100 studies, called for the end of spanking and of harsh verbal punishment of children and adolescents. Such treatment, the organization reported, increases aggression in the long term and undermines the development of responsibility and self control. Further, by elevating levels of stress hormones, it may impair healthy brain development and lead to mental health problems. More recently, a Harvard study published in 2021showed that damage to a child’s nervous system and psyche resulting from spanking may be as detrimental as that inflicted by more severe violence. Fortunately, the tide may be turning, with young parents increasingly less likely to use corporal punishment.